“Look, Muffy, a book for us.”

"Yes, this is real."

Time to see just how preppy I really am. I have skimmed the handbook and picked out pieces of information that can provide some answers to the question.

Nickname

Phew! I do not have a preppy nickname. Here are the 12 most popular preppy nicknames for boys. If you made the list, there is still hope for you.

1. Skip
2. Chip
3. Kip
4. Trip
5. Bif
6. Bunny
7. Bink
8. Van
9. Win
10. Wog
11. Rocky
12. Jock

The Proper Pet

According to the Preppy Handbook, the proper pet is essential. Preferred breeds include:

• Golden retriever
• Labrodor retriever
• English or Irish setter
• Old English sheepdog
• Newfoundland
• Basset hound

Foster

Rats! So Foster gives me a preppy point. Thats okay. I like the little guy. I never really thought of Basset hounds as preppy dogs but according to the handbook they are so dignified they can barely walk, often seen in the company of older couples. That may count as two preppy points.

Primary Secondary Schools

I went to a private school for high school. Another preppy point. But did STAB make the Preppy Handbook’s coed secondary school list?

1. Charlotte Country Day School
2. The Dalton School
3. Hawken School
4. The Latin School of Chicago
5. The Lovett School

Made it through that list unscathed. Kate gets five preppy points for attending CCDS, the number one school. However, STAB is a boarding school so it might be on the Preppy Handbook’s boarding school list.

1. Choate
2. Groton
3. Hotchkiss
4. Phillips Academy
5. Phillips Exeter Academy
6. Middlesex School
7. St. Paul’s School (N.H.)

2-for-2 on not making these two lists. For all of you Woodfairies out there, don’t worry…you made the boys’ boarding school list.

Sports

According to PH, “Prep sports also require elaborate impedimenta such as sticks and racquets. A ball in Flight is Preppier than a ball rolling along the ground.

So lacrosse is preppy. Shocker. PH also suggests that a preppy should participate in soccer, rugby (men only), tennis, skiing, squash, etc. PH says avoid football, track, basketball and wrestling among others.

The College Years

The PH says, “College is, in itself, a Prep concept. But not all colleges are outstandingly Preppy.” Of course, PH provides the top 10 preppy colleges/universities in alphabetical order.

• Babson College
• Hamilton College
• Hampden-Sydney College
• Hollins College
• Lake Forest College
• Pine Manor College
• Princeton University
• St. Lawrence University
• Sweet Briar College
• University of Virginia

…and the runners up:

• Amherst College
• Colby College
• Colorado College
• Connecticut College
• Georgetown University
• Reed College
• Trinity College
• Vassar College
• Williams College
• Wheaton College

I was 100 percent confident that Maryland was not going to land on one of these lists. No points awarded.

Clothes in the College Years

PH has outlined a Preppy uniform for these years that helps preppys identify other preppys and keep the group even more tightly knit than their sweaters.

• Dark green Lacoste shirt with collar popped (do not have one)
• pink Oxford cloth shirt (got me there)
• green down vest (got me there)
• Norwegian sweater from L.L. Bean (nope)
• rust colored wide whale corduroy pants (nope)
• cuffs (not on casual pants)
• no socks and Bean rubber boots, even though it is not raining (nevr had a pair.

So I picked up a couple of strikes there but nothing to be alarmed about.

Deviant Behavior

Could be trouble here…

From the PH, “To Preppies, a sense of humor is something to be acquired, like a Mercedes or a pair of loafers.” Here are some activities Preppies find amusing.

• Mooning (who hasn’t)
• Gatoring (nope. This one was weird and too long to recount. Google it.)
• Fountain Jumping (check)
• Wet T-shirt contests (does going to one count?)
• Beeritory Confinement (I guess)

So preppies have a little wild streak but the ones PH outlined are pretty lame. I suppose Preppies do not break things, hit golf balls at sorority houses, shoot BB guns at cans in the back yard and so on.

Fashion Fundamentals

The 10 underlying principles…

1. Conservatism: clothes that can be worn for 25 years and no one can tell the difference. Same colors, same cuts, etc.
2. Neatness: Preppies shirts stay tucked in. I hate tucking my shirt in!
3. Attention to detail. Some preppies go as far as changing their watchband daily.
4. Practicality: Prep clothes are sensible: rain clothes keep you dry; winter clothes keep you warm, etc. I wear flip flops when it is rainy and cold.
5. Quality: everything in the wardrobe should be well made. Preppy clothes are built to last since they never go out of style.
6. Natural Fibers: wool, cotton, etc.
7. Anglophilia: apparently preppies like things that the English like such as Burberry.
8. Specific color blindness: proposterous combinations of pastels. Pink is not considered peculiar.
9. The sporting look: Preppies dress like they are going to a duck blind even if they have never laid eyes on one.
10. Androgyny: men and women dress as much alike as possible and clothes for either sex should deny specifics of gender. Weird.

Monograming

I do not own a shirt with my initials on it.

Men’s shoes

Back to this discussion again, eh?

• Weejuns, aka penny loafers…no way.
• Bean’s rubber moccasins…no use for them.
• Brooks Brothers loafers…anything with tassles get a big thumbs down.
• Gucci loafers…just no.
• White bucks…uh, no.
• Bean’s other mocassins…look comfortable.
• Top-siders or boat shoes…it has been nearly a week now and the jury is still out, definitely hung.
• Top-siders canvas deck shoes…look like Vans. Might be able to pull something like this off.
• Tretorn sneakers…definitely for girls.
• Wing tips…NO.

Where Preppies hang out

A day-by-day guide of where they go in cities around the country. Sticking close to home, Baltimore:

Monday – Mount Washington Tavern
Tuesday – Alex Brown and Sons
Wednesday – Alonzo’s
Thursday – Harborplace
Friday – Peter’s Pub
Saturday – The Crease
Sunday – Baltimore Country Club

Cars

The proper makes of automobile include the following:

• Jeep Wagoneer
• Volksgagen Rabbit
• BMW
• Volvo
• Pegot
• Mercedes-Benz

So I detect a little preppiness in my day-to-day. I am okay with that.

In closing

This book is great. A little out of date but funny none the less. I leave you with a couple of exit lines from the handbook.

• Let’s cruise.
• Let’s bolt.
• Let’s act like a preacher and get the hell out of here.